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Pet Gerbil Has Been Absolutely Crushing It Lately

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Pet Gerbil Has Been Absolutely Crushing It Lately
HAGERSTOWN, MD—Acknowledging the rodent’s hot streak over the past few weeks, local man Jackson Ramos confirmed Wednesday that his pet gerbil named Butter has been absolutely crushing it lately. “Rolling around in the clear ball, nibbling pellets, running on his wheel—God, the guy’s just been knocking it out of the fucking park recently,” Ramos said of the rodent, who had reportedly been “bringing its A-game” when it came to climbing the walls of its habitat, playing in a toilet paper roll, and standing up on hind legs to sip from its water bottle. “Up the tube, down the tube, the...
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